i happen to be browsing thru my earliest blog entries..
the ones that started of this revelation of im-not-okay...
back then..i realised i was more of an absurd person..
one who scrutinised every single soul at the most trivial of matters..
in fact..i seem happy doing so..
its like venting my anger to another unknowingly but in actual contrary im responsible for all my own wrong doings.
i have much to apologise about.
much to apprehend the sorryness to whom i've hurt.
it never really bore down to my mind about forgiving and forget.
even as i do happen to forgive someone..i'll be lying if i said i really was sincere.
and now..whats past is past..dwelling on it will just be as bad as reviving my unapprecitive history..
im older now..i had enough of grudges..
i need an apology...
not from someone...but to someone..
hope you'll hearing this..

i came across this website as i was browing thru..
it said..what if we were to put 10 of the worse case cultured senario people..
etc..the mat ribs, the abeng kiaz, the goths, the gang leaders
and all the shitty people we noe out there.
elect one leader from each of these group and put them together to talk about politics..
opposing against a legendary grandad of goverments..MM lee kuan yew..
outcome: a brain-bullied affair followed by a permanent psycological damage not to the old man.
but to those shitty people..hah
and who knows..
ambulance will be waiting outside ready to admit them to IMH..keke
truth is..politics just made me sick lahz..
and i really am puzzled to why i happen to know that old man' age...
he's 83 for god sake..!! respect respect..
even i couldnt have "lived" at that age..
i mean...i'll might be shitting in my own underwear..hah

i woke up today finding my sister sleeping on the couch next to me..

not together mind you...

i wanted to wake her up..

but she look rather tired..and so i left her at her own solemness

anyway surprized as it seem..i couldn't care any less..

mabi its because it rained heavily yesterday night..

and mabi she was likely afraid..hmMmm *deep thoughts*..oh well wish-woosh..

this is not the first time anyway..

~~~~~

and for the better sake...

im starting to think that i might have a serious financial crisis at hand..

mother father will still be my saviour..=P keke

but first i need to tell them i fail my exams..boo hoo...

i hate doing this to the people around me..

yeah.."THIS!!"..

"this", is the thing that i already endured for the past two 2 mths..

"this", which tells me im gonna suffer for the next 16weeks.

"this" is when i put on a fake smile..

"this" is how i held a fake laugh when someone makes a lame joke..

"this" is what i'll pretend to do when the supervisors around..reasearching..

and when they're not around..i'll be in my la la land*..weee %$!*(@%%!

"this" is how i tell people im fine when im actually not..

and finally..

"this" is how i'll poised to be smart when im definately not..fucking showoff!!

if only i could be someone..

you know..a superhero..?? keke

im better off saving the world then stuck here doing office werk..

haiz...

~~~~~

and nowadays i realised there's alot of talented "ferrings" out there..

hahaha..evil me

kay..no comment..=

as my mum ever told me once...

you will never be good riding a "bicycle" until you stop falling from it..hmm

or mabi...you will never know the consequences until you experience the fall..

guess i was too stubborn..haha..

oh how painful it is now...sobz sobz..

and no it wasnt really a bicycle..!! keke go figure..

~~~~~

awWwWwWw

the vid was touching..really..

thanks alot..

friends are one specials..

~~~~~

two new houses next month!!! weee...

i'll let my family have the condo its okay..i think the HDB is fine with me..

although its still looks like a condo to me..i lurve it...

you know how it feels like to have a home all by yourself..

i bet you dont..haha..

no parents no siblings to disturb you in your lala land...

no screams no nags to haunt you in your dreams..

and best of all..

no ris-trick-see-yawns..

just me myself and i under the clear blue sky coloured ceiling..hehe

east side area..

im in new territory..

shitz..

i'll continue later..

one forgotten blog..

one forgotten entry..

but an unforgotten memory...

...

of all the good things ive done in my life...
of all the joy brought to the ones around me...
sometimes i guess i may have done the right things..
in some occasions, i may even make blind assumptions..
taking the privilage to an extended distance..
not knowing..unconscientiously mistaken...
for the ones i have held so dearly on to...
will eventually be the ones that greatly is deceiving...
yes i am sick...
yes im not in a healthy state..
but i have every intentions to make it right again...
i tried many ways to reach out deep inside..
and everytime i do...
its that cold anaesthasia tt keeps hauting me back...
its that condemnation against all i stood for...

i dont understand why an incident should be judge so unfairly,

compared to the sacrifices that has long been taken to no considerations.
despite all...
the optimism hope for a good cause has kept me sane...
and for once..for the first time..
i felt insecure...& the need for assurance...
if my greatest fears should ever come to reality...
thats the point in time where catastrophic sets in..

and possibly the scar uncurable for life.

a man wants to be a woman's first love..

but woman wants a man to be her last..

hmmm...

like that ever happens..

mabi in fairytales..

.

.

.

.

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yesh!!! 2A!!

voom!! voom!! voom!!!

bigger bikes means bigger butt..

hah.

here i come!!

i've been MIA from your sight..

tts a probable cliche..

but im deprived from the sound of ur sweetnessly voice..

or from the tunes of ur un-intellectual msg from my phone..

one that makes no meaning but loads or lurve sent in between those lines..

ive been missing that..i do..

im guessing you do too..

and arguably im all to blame..

im sorry...

its annoying how these people brag about their miserable lives on the net.

its seems that every single day is not worth living.

does bad blessings always rain like that..??

and the next person to blame on..?

yup..you guess it rite..

themselves..their own freaking fault

haiz..wat ever gonna make them happy...

and there's the other senario..

it will just go on and on about his daily life.

laugh to itself at the most lamest of stuffs.

and when your bored to death..

the next "funny" thing to do is take an IQ test..

hah!!

thats sarcastically funny if u ask me..

my apologies to you-know-who..

mabi we are..PERFECT for each other...

yupz..hehe..

weeeee..%*!%#*!&^@(^#

it feels as if im rolling down the snowcape mountain

all exposed and naked..

hehe..

freezing as it seems..

but still feels alright from the warmth of your lurveey....

happy 1st anniv. my dearie...!!

beams*beams*

ching*ching*

you twinkle in my darkest moonlight

i dun mind..

will you fly away with me tonight..??