of all the good things ive done in my life...
of all the joy brought to the ones around me...
sometimes i guess i may have done the right things..
in some occasions, i may even make blind assumptions..
taking the privilage to an extended distance..
not knowing..unconscientiously mistaken...
for the ones i have held so dearly on to...
will eventually be the ones that greatly is deceiving...
yes i am sick...
yes im not in a healthy state..
but i have every intentions to make it right again...
i tried many ways to reach out deep inside..
and everytime i do...
its that cold anaesthasia tt keeps hauting me back...
its that condemnation against all i stood for...

i dont understand why a single incident should be judge so unfairly,

compared to the sacrifices that has long been taken to no considerations.
despite all...
the optimism hope for a good cause has kept me sane...
and for once..for the first time..
i felt insecure...

& the need for assurance...
if my greatest fears should ever come to reality...
thats the point in time where catastrophic sets in..

and possibly the scar incurable for life.

im not okay...