im not okay

choice

2007-06-29T03:26:00.000+08:00

i really have a bad habit of procrastinating when replying sms.
and i do come to a point whether to answer or not to when someone's calling.
apparently i always end up on the latter.
but one things for sure.
its not that I'm being ignorant.
i just feel that i have a choice.
and i don't need a good reason to follow suit.

after four years...

2007-06-15T23:00:00.000+08:00

finally..
after four long years..
(its a 3 year course by the way. hah)
I've graduated from the nostalgic school of mine...=P
i should be getting a Long Service Award or some sort for this..
but apparently they ran out of trophies i guess...hah

no thanks to the idiotic guy who stumbled and stuttered when my name was pronounced.
I would have taken the scroll and give a big whack on his head!
but i didn't.
was busy smiling away at the cameras. heh
felt like a moment of paparazzi swarming over a big shot superstar (me!). hah
oh well!

night before graduation...
(im just excited lahz)

midget: what you luking at?!! pick someone your own size!

The two impregnable pillar of support.
and finacial aids. hehe
lurve them to bits!

Future Chemical Engineers!
(before that..NS first hah)

Fantastic 7. Rise of the Yellow Yellow Dirty Fellows

burberry

2007-05-30T23:02:00.000+08:00

i guess my jeans days is over sooner than i expected..haha
nonetheless..
i knew that i still look better with my tailored pants on.
if anyone still looking for good cheap jeans..
you know i know im not the one your looking for..
find someone else..

im busy with work now.
just gimme an sms will do just fine.
you know i know i wont pick up your call..hah
so take care mortals!!!

and ya..
TOPSHOP sux!
Burberry ruLeZ!!
hah

kHai the Lamer

2007-04-15T23:43:00.000+08:00

with the help of an old friend..
i finally got my username and password rite..hah
lame right..??
k updates soon...

512 straight cut / 505 standard segment

2007-03-22T03:15:00.000+08:00

its funny when you try to leave a trend behind..
by some unfortunate event..you'll end up having to re-live it again..

Just when i thought my jeans-wearing era its over..
sadly..im back to wear one of those again..everyday..
those people close to me will probably know that they wont find me in a pair of jeans anymore..
not for the past one year or so..
i'm always seen either with my bermudas on or a pair of custom made tailor pants.
dont ask why..but i guess i've grown up..hah
although it doesn't make sense in any ways. =P

anyways that leads to my closing sentence for today..
i got a job at Levi's Strauss and Co.!!!
woohooo!! haha
great aint it? and you know whats even greater??
im able to purchase any levi jeans at 30% discount!
its only my second day of werk i already bought a pair of 512 and 505..hah
greedy you say..i'll assure you more to come in the future..

so its time you people better be nice to me if you wanna get a pair at good price..!
and sorry no imitations please.
Cuz i'll remind myself to directly offend and bitch you the next time you people wear those levi's you cheapskate buy at pasar malam..haha

random thoughts 2

2007-03-17T01:20:00.000+08:00

Q : "if i were to do something which i thought was a mistake..would i stop or continue doing it?"
A : frankly..i think you thought too much!! haha

its been a long while since i went swimming and drown myself..hmmm

its pathetic how someone's pure intentions might be another's cruel deeds.

and sometimes i just lurve to be the bad guy you know..
cuz i dont need a reason at all to be good! hah.

Finally! after 4 years..i've graduated...!! wooohooo!

I pronouce you Man and Wives?

2007-03-15T00:37:00.000+08:00

just the other day i had attended a cousin's wedding at Tampines..
it was those typical HDB void deck celebrations with that same old songs played at every single wedding i came across..
the food was usual but still ever-cholestrol rich and nice..hah
unfortunately i got this awful toothache and that didn't help the appetite at all.
oh remind me how i hate wisdom tooths. erghh.
it feels like coming back to primary sch where teeth are a such a big thing to take care of. haiz.

and the irony part was Yanty's mum's shop was situated "quietly" just across the block.
and remind me again how i fell sympathetic for her..
Cuz i guess the wedding had shoo-ed all your customers away...
no matter how unknown they are to our family..those thick-skin face outsiders had probably come over and enjoy our food. hah
like the ones we joke about remember?
sorry again dear Wondergirl.
like always..Nothing craves hungry people more than free fooood. =P

and the other ridiculous part is that the groom/my cousin is only 24!
its a little early to get married don't you think so?
Cuz i personally feel its just a huge fraction too young to commit and exchange vows.
one reason for sure..he's just gonna miss his singlehood status..
not to mention our bachelor's "benefits" and "freedom".
keke whatever that means..=P
i just wish him the best of luck making alot and alot of babies.
good thing he's not gay. hah

not that gay shit again!!

2007-03-09T02:16:00.000+08:00

i freaking hate that Brokenback Mountain..
i heard it was some metro-sickening movie..
but i had to see it for myself...
why wouldn't i? hah
only 30 mins into the show..i already felt like burning that dvd..like it was some kind of a curse! hah
like it had just poison my dvd player which i only got it 2 weeks back.
yucks..
Fuck that gay shit movie man!

and thats all i had to say for today!
and yar..
that second wish i was thinking..
i wish for all gays to burn in hell!! hehe

like i said.
i got nothing social.
but everything personal against them. =P

random thoughts 1

2007-03-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

"did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"

you know..it sounds more like a lyric from a song than an affectionate question..
how ironic i replied without thinking twice. hur hur..

Fantastic Four Two is coming out..? err..you get me? hahaha

if i had 3 wishes..i'll probably waste one of them to wish for a world where mosquitoes had never had existed..how cool is that! =P

ghost movies or whatever shows that has a person dressed in overdone makeup..don't scare me anymore..hmmm

im nearly broke so i better get a job soon..any offers?

memories..

2007-03-04T02:23:00.000+08:00

i had promise myself to start blogging again...
but time is not a luxury nowadays..
apart from the constant lack of sleep,
i guess its hard moving on..knowing sometimes..memories comes back to haunt those once sweet dreams.
i never question myself anymore like i used to.
and i never did reminisce..wishing if it was better this way or another..
after all..i have no regrets.
cuz i learned to make decisions based solely on our better well-being rather than our best interest.
i hope you'll come to understand that.
and no matter how hard it is to just let it slip by,
you know i know its for our own goodness sake..

so i take this opportunity to apologize for everything i had wrongly done.
and i thank you for every single moment that has enriched my meaningful life with you.
im really grateful for that.
so i hope your emotions will carry you on like it did for me..

and dont let those bitter memories stop you from pursuing that happyness you rightfully own.

sincerly SP..

somebody save me..

2007-02-15T04:34:00.000+08:00

superhero is out saving the world...
will return when justice is served..
for all out there..
take care..!
play nice..

Bang! Bang! i shot you down..

2007-01-18T02:10:00.000+08:00

it was a government letter with my name and a capital "Mr" to add in front..
it was so formal till i thought i had did something wrong to offend the law..
its not like im NOT used to getting fined..
nor do i expect anything less than a reminder for some late payments..

as i ripped the side of the letter..
i could feel my heart beating faster..
i grew anxious..
i talk to myself..
i was hoping the worse and decided to keep a straight face
and not get too surprized or annoyed of its contents..

it was right then when the heading hit me hard on the head..
*weeeeeeee..........!!*
i was shortlisted to attend an interview assessment with the Police Force!!!
haha..oh how eccentric i am..

"you better watch out.you better not cry."
"you better not.im telling you why."
"Mister Policeman is coming to town.." haha

random

2007-01-16T01:13:00.000+08:00

i've been on a hiatus these few months..
my post has been irregular..my sleeping hours has been untimely..
my room has been messy ever since..
and i especially has eating disorder..
not that im facing an anorexic period
oh no not ever..!
its just that ive been eating more rubbish that proper meals..haha.

am watching a delayed soccer match between singapore and laos..
oh how i pity the laos..
played like a bunch of school boys and happy to get bullied and tortured..hah
i rather pee in my pants than to play a game beaten 11 goals to none..

am also patiently waiting for a reply from the police force..
i applied for a career bond with the police..
come to think of it..
definately no regretts..
i rather spend five years earning a 2K/mth pay than wasting my time serving 2 years with a mere 300 cashed in the bank each month..haha
still..i shant get too cocky either..
let me just hope okay..

all i want for christmas...

2006-12-27T01:24:00.000+08:00

i am a lucky bastard i tell you..why?
cause i have the most talented mum a son could ever have..haha
ya i know..ive known and i always knew that
all mums are perfect role models for us young people..
no one would ever doubt that..
but i guess there's something more than just good home cooking food they offer to us family..
especially not my wonderwoman mum...wooo!!

here's why:
1. wonderful chef
she just cooks so000 beautifully..
her mee rebus, roti kirai and nasi lemak is the best in singapore..haha

2. top class baker
she just bakes brilliant cookies and raye kuihs
infact..since i've been a good boy..
she's actualli making me one now..
my white chocolate macaroon cookie!!! Weeeeeee!!!!

3. wonderful massage-er
her body message is painful but really works
trust me..you'll feel like a million bucks after her spa treatment..haha

4. oustanding lawyer
she doesnt nag..
but try to reason or debate yourself out with her..
oh i bet you fall sooo much deeper..hah

5. My loving mum
overall she just my mum thats why..
not that i dont like all of your mums..
its just that she ranks at my toplist..

and so i decided to surprise her with something (picture)..
a sweeeeeet chocolate cake..(she a chocolate-holic)
after all that she's done for me and the rest of the family this year..
she deserve it..
thanks mum..
luv ya..

"all i want for Christmas is you mum!!" hahaha

and you too dear meee..
i want you too..hehe
we'll have our date soon okay..
promise..

the sun the sand the moon and the burnt driver??

2006-12-05T01:59:00.000+08:00

frankly, im just tired to actuali write anything.
i suppose im too busy to spent time with myself..
am doing a part time job but funny it seems as though im werking overtime...Big time! hah
still..
as long as these sweat and tears are paid off with lum sum pay..wooo!!
i dont mind attending to stubborn-head customers..
and making me look cute with a shining red Santa Claus hat on my head! haha
oh..you'll have a nice laugh when you see
but you know i know thats never gonna happen outside..hah

last friday was pretty well spent with the "moon" and "burnt-hand baya"
this time i'll let the pics do the talking stuffs..
nitez mortals!!

welcome to the Macbridgeflyovertonowhere!

is this the furthest we can go..?
but i know of a place further down "south"!!
kekeke

lick us goooooood......!!!
we taste of saltwater!!

EAT!!! or i'll stick these up your ARSE!!!

MY FAV!!
title: ME and Two Wide Teeth Idiots!!
hahaha

the retard story of Gays

2006-11-23T23:25:00.000+08:00

i just realised the sight of Gays really bugs me to the core..
and also surgical-sexchanged people.

yesterday after jamming me and my bandmates (A Wish For Despair) chilled at the Gas Haus bar.
unlucky us i think it was Gay Night. haha
at 11pm. the bar was suddenly filled with She-male caucasions.
we became crazy and soon ran out.
hahaha

and i ever walked into a male's restroom and suddenly greeted by a middle aged man
he smiled at first..
i smiled back.
but as i was grooming myself with the wax.
i soon realised he was looking at me all the while.
and all THAT while he has this smirk on his face.
that face which every guy would have when they see a sexy bombshell of "chromo XX".
one that has a big stamp on his head saying i wanna have sex with you..
(the reason i use "XX" is to differentiate the genuinity of the sex)
cuz nowadays..
you cant really tell a She-male between a He-female??? hmmm

i have nothing social against the gay society.
but i really do have everything personal against them. haha
freaking retards!!

wishes

2006-11-20T03:59:00.000+08:00

go wish upon a star baby..
and find all the moons will all come down to grant them
if ever you believe it came true..
i hope its us...
and whisk me away like you always do...
cause i know..
thats the magic that has always been in you...

happy 18th birthday darl!

Thank You Come Again

2006-11-10T00:22:00.000+08:00

have you seen the sight of Changi Airport?
at 4am in the morning..?
those regular trips gives me the chill...
still..staring at the control tower just feels like having a star wars light saber glowing in the dark sky..hah fun! *wooAAAooo*
and the well sculpturised WELCOME TO SINGAPORE just makes me proud to become its citizens..
but i especially adores the budget terminal..
its decoration font reminds me of those letters that came out from a child's nursery book..hehe

but at the same time i do feel like those money-faced goo-ers going on regular business trips.hehe
except im dressed in my over sized sweater, uncool pair of trousers and cheap slippers.
come to think of it.
its been awhile since i travel overseas.
not those regular trips to JB to quench my "baby's" thirst.
not that.
but i mean..really going abroad..
taking thoses long distance flights to places where people dont even know singapore existed.
one fine day..

and didn't i tell you i have a desire to migrate to autralia.
i know someone else besides me does.
maybe to sydney or melbourne?
If im notg wrong..thoses poeple actually hates Asians dont they?
Its okay though..i'll probably have an extreme makeover to look like michael jackson.
or i'll just end up marrying a hot sexy aussie chick..hehe
nah..im just squeezing crap juices out of my stressed head.

anyways..i have a job of cheating people money..!! hehe
thats what my collegues say...

disenchant

2006-10-31T01:58:00.000+08:00

you told me i can never tell anymore if you're mad or sad..
well sad enough..actually i could dear..
pretending im not.
when all the while in fact..
im just too exhausted to always be the one making you happy at the slightest uncertainties.
sometimes you just have to learn to understand your own feelings..
before putting the hopes on me to make it all better.
i know you see me as a pillar of comfort.
im probably the one who you shares your joys and pains.
the one that kiss you the last goodnight
and the first to wish you good morning..
but making you feel insecure is the last of my intentions.
probably..
and you're feeling bitter for not treating you like how im supposed to..
that i see you the same way as i see all my other "little" friends.
well sad enough..thats not true either.
maybe..
still..you can blame me for the person i have become now..
blame it on the possesions i have..
blame me for the past wrong doings that has haunt me now..
blame it on the guilt which i can never get another chance to forgive myself
blame all that..
but dont blame it on this heart that has always been the same.
please dont.

2006-10-25T01:30:00.000+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYE!!!!

me and my fav cousin with the loving grandparents of ours.
love them!

family picture perfect!

Say Goodbye

2006-10-18T01:59:00.000+08:00

Say Goodbye (unplugged) - kHai & Yanty

[kHai]
verse:
i'm just scared to know the ending
of the stories that u wrote
i'm living off these memories
so turn away and let me go

build up:
im bleeding,
im screaming,
i took a dive right in.
i wont talk, i wont cry~ out

pre-chorus:
i've been wondering why
if its only me
have you always been inside
i'm waiting to breathe

chorus:
i no longer feel myself
i'm all i need
you're a vision in my head
this time i mean it
nevermind the times i've seen it
i find it hard to stay
with the words i say

....say goodbye....
....say goodbye....

[Yanty]
verse2:
Did you read all of the chapters
Description of my thoughts
They stated the reasons of betrayal
The cause were mostly you inside

build up:
I'm running
I'm crying
I seeked the help of an angel
But I've wronged, I trust too much

Pre-Chorus:
You've been wondering why
It is only you
Did you ever think once
That I'm a victim too

Chorus:

interlude:
[kHai]
like a fool im fed
with lies behind my back
sins so unforgivable
worth of my denial

[Yanty]
the answer to my ending
the story of us im closing
again you leaving me~

Chorus(2x)

heart-felt

2006-10-17T01:10:00.000+08:00

sometimes in life..
we can't always get the things we want..
no matter how simple it looks.
no matter how complicated it would be..
and no matter how hard we try..
there are certain dreams or desire that can't be fulfilled..
regardless of countless efforts and indefinite sacrifices we make...
once too many times..life is..
unfair...

its a rare opportunity of two similar beings brought under as one.
probably god himself has his glitch..
laying a crosspath of two mortals alike with only a thin layer of undoubtness surrounds.
but is vastly blessed with a strong chemistry of love, hate and true self-emotions

the fact that they share almost the same common interests.
happiness is endless..
where coincidentals are too good to be true..
and a day spent in reality is another heaven-like special that surpasses their wildest fantasies..
yes they may seem perfect for each other..
and maybe just destined to be together..

still..life..
to a certain extend..
is unfair..
its up to us to actually learn from the mistakes and lessons that it has befall us..
i shall be thankful and grateful instead..
a new beginning will it be..
a wonderous ending it shall have..
i'll learned..
i'll comprehend..
i'll embraced..

Fly time Fly..!!

2006-10-12T02:30:00.000+08:00

time flies when you're having fun...
thats how it goes..
but once too many occasions on how we realised its not all about us..
i guess seeing people change is enough to take us through times..
i know i did..
after all..people have their own bittersweet journey..
its not JUST the fun moments that you actually realised you've come a long way..
at the end of the day..
times don't fly..logically...
but its pretty intriguing to look back and smile at how you "fly" your way through time..
hehe..
as far as im concerned..
mine's not enriched as it could be..
and if there's one thing that can make me fullfilled..
i guess its you..
=)

Diagnostics Radiology

2006-10-04T12:03:00.000+08:00

my times kinda routine nowadays..
apart from the usual rap-shit-stop-it and chill out with friends during weekends..
its usually climbing up high..
catching little eggs..
at some point get frustrated with the stinking smell of bird's poo...
hehe..
and of course..
entertaining those mental people at IMH..
like ive mentioned..
the weirdest people are the ones that make you differentiate the sensible logical and those scary abnormal..

and....since its that time of year..
these beady eyes of mine have to be a little weet discipline..
but the hot sexy interns did not help at all..
dont they just good look in nursing suits..?
hehe

and didnt i tell you before..
i lurve diagnostics radiology!! keke
although i have no idea what the freak it means.
if im not in chemical business..
i'll probably have a career on that DR
dont ask why.
i just love it..hehe

icon of hope

2006-09-20T00:57:00.000+08:00

have u ever had that moment of popularity?
or that infamous publicity?
one that makes you an icon for something special..

i dont need to be in a newpaper face contestant..
bitch nope..
i dont need to sing well in singapore idol..
hady mirza nope..jon my fav..haha
and i dont even need to try hard..

all you need is a cool streamline guy who knows how to dress well..(me? ahem ahem)
a photographer who takes dumb wonderful pictures..
and a best friend who has magical touch of design
thanks bestie!!!!

mental

2006-09-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

I learned..
the weirdest people are the ones make you re-think whats sensible and logical..
cool huh..?!
i noticed..
people tend to judge from one's past than present..
pitiful thinking..
i discover..
birds are normal creatures that likes to shit alot..
hahaha...!
i realised..
shopping alone tends to be pretty lonely but interesting..
got myself cool assesories!!!
i feel..
i need to get in touch with my inner personality once in awhile..
gore...!!

the best part of a song..
is when the lyrics relates entirely to our own lives...
sing them loud next time..

dignified happiness

2006-09-02T20:07:00.000+08:00

am watching a 2nd telecast of Singapore Idol now..
my Sis is in love with hady..
like thats ever new around here..?? hehe..
and i guess its true..
viewers will not be reminded constantly on voting for talent (not looks) until that idiotic Joakim goes out. hah
just reminds me on how i hate him so much..

people say i look like hady mirza?
hmmm...subjective
i bet he cant sing better than me..
i forgive..its reasonable..
haha..

Superheroes in Action

2006-08-31T21:15:00.000+08:00

im happy my work is over
absolutely hysterical that i have my well-deserved stress-free moments now!
weeee....
but then i still find myself getting into fumble situations.
i hardly have time for myself? hah.
i wonder...

this job is definately tiring especially when you're a superhero..
im not an impersonator thank you..
after all..
'character is what one is..but reputation is what one is thought to be by others'
but still..one can be both right??
im speaking for myself..hehe

cuz im tired of saving the world on my own..
you know..a saviour's saviour?
thats why i have my newest super sidekick to fight evil villians!! hah.
supergirl!!

the last day...

2006-08-25T13:49:00.000+08:00

im definately not okay rite at the moment.

there's this portion of me feeling hysterical at leaving..
weeeee....^%$!*$#%&
after almost 6 months..it does feel great.
its like this shoulders of mine was just given a good tense rub from an angel..!! hehe
and to have that amazing sense of achievement after long hiatus...?
its just plesurizing every second of it...!

still..a part of me doesnt want to end..
i feel as if i dont intend to go back to school.

a friend was actualli wondering why..
i told her im gonna miss the werking life.
im gonna miss waking up early in the morning..
and to come back home, to know you are too dead tired to do anything else.
that sounds awful.
but it is an inevitable picture of your future aint it?
i do want to work.
i want to have responsibilities.
i want to face the world realising that i have an important job at hand.
i want grow up and be a part of something great..
where risk and challenges are just the small problems of a big jigsaw puzzle..
a life's puzzle.
i want to leave that childish carefree attitude behind that has instilled me for the last 20 years.
i want to say goodbye to that.
im trying.

reality scares.
tomorows analytical. probably still predictable.
but the future bewilders more than anyone can apprehend..

my priorities have changed.
its the people around whom ive affected most.
i hope they'll understand.

...identity crysiz...

2006-08-23T17:26:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel as if i have an identity crisis at hand..
the face which potrays the common character within?
its no longer there.
its used to be me, myself and i.

nowdays its like im a cute guy, im a charming guy and definately an exquisite guy.
hahaha..lol!

pardon me.
im stressed out!
=P

...insomnia...

2006-08-22T15:50:00.000+08:00

i got a friendly gesture from someone few days back.
its not that i prefer my inner side to get swayed by sappy sadness..
nor getting myself drenched in feelings and venting it out till these eyes cried blood. haha.
realising im too "emo" for that matter.

im probably suffering of insomnia. am i?

and i got a chatterbox!
how odd can things be.
convinced!
sleep deprived has made me this way..
it makes me happy though.

ashamed..

2006-08-20T11:02:00.000+08:00

probably the most simplest verb to define your actions.
there's others like coward, insensitive, inconsiderate, mindless..
the list could go on and on to describe people like you..
and nope..this post is not at all a critisizm of any sort.
nor an attack on the very fact of anger.
i very well don't pleasurize in these foolish acts.

probably you have lived life to the fullest..
probably you're some wise mortal who proclaimed to know everything.
probably you amuse yourself by ruining people's lives..
probably..
but absolutely you are just another bitch.
cause i find you worse that a critic columnist.
maby you can find a career as a paparazzi instead..hah
save your sarcasm.
build your humane sanity.

so i guessed you should be ashamed..
ashamed of the false accusations you have unrightfully did.
please..
just let me advise you..
salvage that small amount of dignity and pride you still have in you..
save it for its own when you look upon that mirror of yours.
cause the last thing you need right now..
is to fall in deep sin everytime you mutter discrimination.

im surprize you pity us..
cause that is not a true prejudice.
thanks but no thanks. you need it more than we do.

Now..give me hope..

2006-08-18T12:35:00.000+08:00

Discontented.
I am definitely not in any state of euphoria now.
Disregard.
I certainly had no consideration for things I said which Ive said.
Sick.
It just has to happen at the most terrible of times.

Sometimes I find myself in a position making irrational decisions without prior thought.
It sure does happen to all of us before I understand.
But as of lately, things have gone wrong
Just occurring over once too many I guess.
The aftermath really does hurts.
As of now, I cant help myself feeling that sulky sorrow.

And yes I do.
I do fall sick often.
I do know when this happens; I tend to make hasty acts.
And I do know that I will try its best not to affect the people around me.
But yet again, I do realize that its not a reason for the way I have been now.

I cant be mindful of the things I do.
I cant make a wise stance.
And I cant help trying to be Mr. Right and not jeopardize the feelings of others.
Cause at the end of the day, I impulsively hurt the one closest to me.

Now you lost all faith
I have lost confidence.
Are you still willing to forgive me?

give me hope...

2006-08-17T02:00:00.000+08:00

some people can create such bombastic words when they lay their fingers on the keyboard..
but pity they get dumb when ask to talk..
tsk3..
makes me question their intellect...
cum' on..
get real..

2006-08-16T09:40:00.000+08:00

the best friend was really funny yesterday..
were talking about questions with riduculous answers..haha
its when you ask someone a high-end qn. and expecting a wise decent ans. back,
but it just came out unbelievable?
a reply which can make someone go.."ya rite..whatever" but which in fact IS true..!! hehe
i really had a good laugh..
but details..i cant spill..
cuz its sinful in its own way...hehe
shhh...

i almost forgot..
its my sidekick's superheroin birthday yesterday..
ze Wonderwoman..heh
HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY YANTY!!!
hah

anyways i just overheard the radio saying some president somewhere
in some country has his own personal blog..hehe
if people like him do own them..
then i would lurve to read some celeb's blogs or even nicer..Pornstars!!
haha..those hardcore errotic rants..
like normal vain people..words are just not enough to express themselves aite..
they might include to put some pics as well..haha
*steamy*

and no im not deprived thank you..=P

2006-08-10T18:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes i find myself stucked in a moment i dont wanna get out of..
when everything seem so perfect..
where everything falls in place..
thats the time i feel just like a movie star..haha

movies are fictionous..
probably the stories of someone's fantasies..
yup..movies are just one's dreams..
its the desire and imaginations in every single one of us to be someone else..apart from our tragic lives...
on any other day..
i would die to be a superhero in an action pack setting..hehe..
but now...
i'll probably be a lovable character in a romantic seductive backstabbing plot..hehe
the thing is..when reality sets in..
and when sneak previews are gone..
when the curtain closes in from the big stage..
it is then they'll find out...
that movies are just one big pretentious lie..
its true from the start..movies are faked..
reality is one's life..

times change..
things change..
people change..
but this life of mine has turn on a drastic change which i love to accept..
but probably not others..
i know im stucked..but i dont want it to end either..
cuz my reality is my dreams..
and the movie..is my life now..

as of this moment..this is how i'll act in my movie..

************************************************************
weee....
national day!!
sooooo........

Let us salute...!!

to the upside down singapore flag?! =/
hahahaha...!!

2006-08-04T13:10:00.000+08:00

privacy has never been at my top priority.
until recent events which kinda instill this doubtous feeling for the ones i truly had relied on.
its not a question of lifelong bonds uncertainty,
i know im not going that far..
cuz sometimes there is a line of trust and concelameant that you wouldnt wanna cross.
pardon me..
but you should have known well enough what you cant and which you dont.

im not putting any blame nor do i resolve in any audacious decision-making.
after all..we are in fact humans..
suspicion and curiosity are just part of our natural instincts.
but still..we are able to override the urge dont we??
bottomline..no hard feelings alright

and i am sooo looking foward to something** tonight..
happy.happy.
hehe..
the only way i can miss you is being so close to you but knowing i cant have you*

2006-08-02T09:55:00.000+08:00

its been some time since i stepped back into poly..
i did yesterday..
and it all flashback right again..

the hectic moments..with a carefree life..
those hot headed teachers..blend with the hottie chickies in canteen 1..hehe
these fashion sense people (i salute)..and those who has nothing better to do with their hair..=P
the cold lecture room..with desks that was as cozy as your bed..
and lectures that sung lullabies to your ears..

its the place where going to school are a mandatory..
but attending lectures are prolly well . . . decided according to your moods..
dont feel like it..then dont go..haha =P
or worse still..
"the teacher sux lahz..dowan go lahz.."
that has always been my case.

amidst that..friends are the source of motivation..
for the bad..and bad-er..hehe
forget all about how the school braggg on and on about us to be "independant" and "self-reliant"
cuz at the end of the day..u find yourself chilling out in the canteen,
being damn late for tutorial,
but still figuring out whether to go or not to go??
and friends are there to encourage your evil side personality to just take it easy braderrr..haha
"eh..boring ar..we all go play pool ar want?"

well..im just there going with the flow..

and i had a lecturer once who scold the blardy shit out of me just because i pass her exam..
instead..she had wanted me to fail!
hehe..how things can get so much ridiculous?

weeee..i miss those times..**

and someone was on cloud 9 yesterday..hehe
the other one..
jumping on his twinkie toes..
and smiled frantically to himself..all the way back home..haha

2006-07-26T12:03:00.000+08:00

i came across this quote
im not all becoming a lovey dovey guy excuse me..?
but somehow rather..i find it pretty interesting..& factually amusing..
hehe..
go read..

When you love someone you must not expect anything in return for if you do,
you're not loving but investing.
If you love you must accept pain,
If you expect happiness your not loving but using.

true not true?
subjective la horz..hehe
at times..i wonder off questioning ones who have bad experiences in lurve life..
and they'll get utterly upset saying life's not fair..so on and so forth..
although im in no position to judge them or even myself..
but i can sufficely say i understand the reason why people tend to hypothesize falling in lurve to be the same as keeping the love..
its two totally different perception iymfk

sometimes you'll need to live long enough to understand this..

iymfk = if you must freaking know..hehe

!! and someone has been hijacking the papers in the office..dammit!!

2006-07-21T13:45:00.000+08:00

i dreamt about being a singer..
a friend dreamt about being an actress..
my pikachu gameboy dreamt about being a pokemon master..!!
it really does!! haha..
my point is..when dreams fall into a time where it is considered as a fantasy..
thats the time you pinch me hard..wake me up from this blardy childish behaviour..haha

btw..i read i naughty book yesterday..!!
shHhHhHhH

sometimes i wonder what entertains me most at work.
the thought of having my own desk and computer and surfing internet and chatting away with the best friend?
or get bullied by the senile older techinicians who are obviously deprived of sex..
hehe..i'll probably go with the former..

suddenly i have the fetish for macdonald's apple pie!!!
anyone care to join me?

2006-07-21T08:59:00.000+08:00

BAYBEATS2006 was one hell where my body aches for mosh pits and wild bodysurfing!
i knew i was addicted.. have been and always will..
someday i'll be up there with the fav Love Me Butch, Plain Sunset etc..
and i'll prolly wont be surprized if i see friends do what i did on the both days..haha..wicked..
someday just someday..
for now..
FUCK SECURITY!!!

2006-07-16T18:21:00.000+08:00

have you ever had moments...
when the heart is so fragile..
when feelings are sometimes too harsh for it to contain them all together

have you ever had memories...
when the mind is so weak..
when it breaks down at the slightest bit of tragical emotions

have you ever had times..
when the body feels so much under pressure..
when you just wanna burst into tears no matter how hard these eyes try to hold them back

have you ever had someone..
a person you held so high..
a companion who has always been by your side..
a mortal soul closest to your heart..
and a vow to finally come for us to part..

when moments, memories and times stands still as i watch someone drift away..
i ask myself again..
must i ever have?

2006-07-14T09:56:00.000+08:00

i sang a song for a girl..
something which i find myself at the brink of "insanity"..hehe..
one of the few which makes me feel weeely*weeely small..
and nope..the idea wasn't mine..!

its funny what i tell friends nowadays..
yesh probably my mouth cant seem to stop..
but this gut feeling has been doing the talking which many would find it un-logically sensible?
doesn't mean im a "small" guy i dont have big dreams f.y.i..
cuz all he ever feel now..
all he ever dream about..
and all he ever talk about..
is that im going to marry a superstar one day!! yea..

just how ego things can be rite..?! hah
"wink*wink*

am seriously thinking of changing the name "Due West"
the unplesant sound of a hiphop-wanna-be poser kinda thingy..
yet already a name of a country genre band..
sometimes i hate to say this but its always been a pleasure to irritate someone..
"there!..i told you so..!"
haha..
Devine Wonder sounds nice? you think?

2006-07-12T09:37:00.000+08:00

there comes a time when crucial situation requires sane choices..
and when logical priorities clash upon trust and boundaries..

im sure those two lines means nothing to everyone else..
but the matter of fact is..i screwed up..
ive made an irrational decision which i'll probably live to remember and regret
hurting you is the last sin i'll ever want to do..
hearing* your cries are my worse guilt which i can never forgive myself for anymore..

i am truly sorry for things ive said which ive said..
even though everythings alright now..
and you might have gotten over it and forgive me..
right at this momment..im more than delighted..
but there is still this sense of remorse still lingers deep inside..

kick me..strangle me..drown me..
picit punat or watever..
something to make it go away..hehe..
but i dont want you to go away..
and i dont want to turn back time please..? =)

thanks for everything..
you help me define the things i need to appreciate in this life..

*this tiny soul of mine still needs you*

2006-07-11T09:17:00.000+08:00

its been awhile since i got a hand written letter..
its wouldnt be as ironic if i got them 10 years before..
but sometimes..
digital mails and shits-alike aren't able to potray the kind of real genuinity and sincerity like a letter would..
its something a digi-mail fail to interpret..
from the scribbles and slangs in the words..
i think one can actually sense the emotions/feelings expressed when the writer first wrote it.

i dunnoe but thats how i see them..
i used to have a fanatic snail-mail pal once..
its not that we're deprived of a handphone or internet..but its the process of writting one that intrigues me..
its how u lay on the bed with a pen in one hand and liquid paper on the other..
taking sooo long to start initially but you'll find yourself writting a 4 page letter without knowing when to stop..hehe
its also what you'll end up doing to those pappers..decorating them according to your moods..
and sometimes 'poems' just summarise up them all..

after almost 5 years..this is the first time ive received one so awkwardly..hehe

do take the time to read a letter..cuz it took a lot more time for the writer to write it..

2006-07-07T02:30:00.001+08:00

someone had me puzzled..
cause i swore that someone actually said friday..
and im not sure whether to have that sense of guilt or remorse..
but i dont intend to hold grudges against anyone..
my apologise..its up to you to accept them..
after all..it wasnt my fault..
or was it..??

sometwo was definately pissing me off!!
i think is best for you to tugg away that emotionalised behaviour and take up anger management class..
you had me reminded of a movie..
"when do you get to that point where enough is enough??"
except this time round the answer wasn't "never"
instead that point already came just while ago..hehe
suckass!!!

somethree made me weeeely-weeeeely happy!!!
mabi i finally found a superhero's superhero!!..haha..
the thought of it sometimes bother me..
but i'll wave down any possibilities..
i shan't elaborate more..
except i miss that part where you questioned me..
its unlikely but i totally forgot..can i?? hah.
thanks again..

its one of those days where mixed feelings jumbled up to haunt you..
we dont want to let it get the better of us..
but one the other hand..its best if we learn something from it and let it slipped by..
on a high note it ended..
both the singing and the b.e.a.youtifool day..hehe
i really feel appreciated..
thanks..
give me a big 20 would ya everyone!!
happy.happy.

CARS???!!!
i guess its proven..
im seriously too old for this..
hahaha..

and please please please please treasure your family..
you'll never know how much they mean to you...

2006-07-05T09:16:00.000+08:00

im never afraid of not sleeping..
but im terribly afraid of not waking up..
im never afraid of nightmares..
but im sure afraid if it turns into reality..

i've told someone i've changed..
i've told people i could care less about the things happening around me..
so i guess its true..
that everyone has their own secrets..
at times..this face could represent a mask..
while others just go on living, tagging along two or three personalities with them wherever they go..
its unexplainable..
but im sure its for good intentions even though no one knows except themselves..
probably the benefit of the doubt..

and mabi this is the story of why the superhero going MIA..
he's too old for this..hehe
happy birthday to the july cutie love ones..

2006-06-27T11:18:00.000+08:00

i was an innocent victim tortured to do this..
but i see no harm..
although this stuffs bores me..
but then again..i shall bore you to death..hah

7-random-facts-bout-me
.:: Superhero!!! (to the rescue!!!)
.:: artsy-farsty!! (sounds like fart but not! excuse me... pooot* oops)
.:: metro-sexual (thats what they say lahz..)
.:: emoistic-gentleman (my secret identity. hah)
.:: happy-go-lucky (no worries no hurries)
.:: happily indulged optimism (waaaarrrttt crap!)
.:: happy and you knoe you clap your hands!! clap*clap* hahaha...

7-things-that-scare-me
.:: Losing my parents..(cuz thats where my "visa and mastercard" come from..haha!)
.:: knowing how my future wife looks like..(keke)
.:: eeeekkkk crasSssh keboooom** ACCIDENT!!
.:: genuine bapoksZs!! (gays)
.:: woof woof**
.:: bangla..go happy hour with the maid lahz..!!
.:: ooooooo.....

7-things-i-like-most
.:: my family..(love them to bits!!)
.:: my grandma..(muackz.muackz**)
.:: honda baby* (vroom vroom!!)
.:: lalalala...** sing for me plz..!! hah
.:: frenzies..
.:: la' muzic
.:: chocs?! what chocs??!! one large hawaian pizza please!!

7-things-i-said-most
.:: "okay? okay.."
.:: "f***!!" (when im angry lahz..)
.:: "sembarang.."
.:: "hello??" (its everyones common pick-up-phone word..but no one realise that)
.:: "je'mappelle kHai! j'parle francais" (my name is khai. i speak french) like real!! hah
.:: "you taste shit before a??" (everytime someone say they feel like shit) logically sensible
.:: "mak! nak mimilk" (small boy that time)

7-people-to-do-this
.:: everyone..!!! dot dot dot
i don wanna be the one ruining other lives..haha
you people do as you see fit kay? kay...

2006-06-26T10:27:00.000+08:00

its hard looking at someone and go un-noticed..
its even harder to smile when you're afraid to blush..haha
first impressions of attractions:
its always a loony game..keke
just dont spill that personality too far..

emotions have no boundaries..
thats why people can get can their head over heels in trivia dispute.
they can get their feelings all mixed up and still manage to find some unlawful reasons to find one's fault..
some just go with the "flow"..
others just wanna create "splashes"..
suits them. dont bother me.

and have i told you that my instincts are almost certain..??
sometimes too good to be true i supposed..haha
dont bet with me if you're afraid to lose..
a friend nearly suffered the consequences but i prolly well let her off..hehe
a gentleman proclaimed is a gentleman himself**..i think =/
im just being me i guess..
no hard feelings kay..weeee***

2006-06-19T16:31:00.000+08:00

im amazed at how this earth revolves around money but not love..
im amazed at how many people fall victims to uncivillised behaviour..
im amazed at why the world doesnt adapt to us..but us instead to them..
im amazed at why humans put up two faces to the ones around them..

hehe..at times i just feel so insecure..

i learn something new today..
after almost 20 years me walking on this earth..
only now i realised..
i tend to get hiccups when i eat realli spicy food..
haha..

2006-06-15T09:37:00.000+08:00

someone reminded me of my birthday...
it just so happens that im the youngest of them group..
( youngest = kana sabo most?? ) thats their theory..
i've been giving much slaps and punches on all of them birthdays..
(to be exact..big hard 20 slaps on each)
up to the point of them having like "red malaria rashes" on their bare bodies...
im sure its painful..
what'd they expect? its suppose to be..
whuahaha..evil me...
i didnt realise i could get a hundred in total when my time comes..

i vow to go MIA when that day arrives..
yup i vow!! and pledge and promise and whatever shit i'll need to..just to escape..
escape this horrible gruesome feat..keke
i've been in a cake bash last year..
and even my men's garments got caught in the camera..!! haha
please..i think i had enough for once..
i'll prolly cancel all dates and stuffs which has anything to do with "celebrating"..
cuz i know that i only find solace and decent celebration with my family..
rite mum and dad?
i think i heard them said yes..
haha!
lup.lup them to bits...!!
can buy me an electronic drumset pweeees??***&$!$#

2006-06-12T09:53:00.000+08:00

sometimes..when you thought you had everything in your grasp..
including everyone who has been there by your side..
from the shits and torns you put them through..
sometimes..just sometimes..
you may tend to overlook the possibility of under appreciating that particular person..
on the contrary..
you have a feeling you cant be your true selves anymore..
you will probably end up restricting your rightful freedom until you realised its too late..
when that happens..you tend to blame anything..
but yourselves..

when i think back..
i had no regretts
i know i made the right choice..
and i know that for the fact..it might hurt a little too much..
but it'll be okay when time due to come...

thats life probably..
its not a perfect journey..
but its up to us to make it a pleasant one..

2006-06-11T04:44:00.000+08:00

for a new beginning..
needs a new start..
for my new "baby"...
isnt she just adorable??
hah..

2006-06-05T00:52:00.000+08:00

its funny when someone claims to know the type of girl i like.
its even hilarious if what they "claim" to be..is not true at all..hah
such ridicule things can get..
but i'll be damn surprise if someone were to got it right.
do i look that obvious to you??
i hope not..
i certainly wouldn't want it to be written all over my face.
such disgrace it could have been..
i doubt im that predictable..
again..hope not...

i do have taste..
still yes i do have mood swings sometimes..
the unique morality of a girl is what i always stay true to..
i want her to be "different".
i want her to be educated well..
and of course..
i want her to appreciate me for who i am..

but things can change here after..
sometimes you need something even more than just moral values..
irrelevant as it may seem..
these so called criteria are just temporary desires..
they wont stay long..
but long enough to satisfy ourselves until we got to another phase of life..

for my case..as of now...
i need that extra special things in a girl..
basically..i want a girl who is able to sing well..
and i'll crave for a girl who can teach me the chinese language..
hahahaha..wouldnt that be nice..
i'll be happy..
however..like i said..
this is just temporary irrelevance...
but i stil can have my pop princess right..??
haha

officially..my 100th post of this im-not-okay revelation
and counting...
counting...
counting..
couting

2006-05-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

mum and dad can sometimes be the irrationalism of all problems
the things they retrict are probably the very ones that i really adore.
come due times..
when i feel so useless..mum and dad are the two souls i can rely on..
forget how i misbehave in the past
remembering all the suavity they gave to me..when i gave nothing back..they forget that too..
retribution has always been absent for their part.
cuz to them unfair punishment and verbal abuse to their own children,
is un-necessary/unworthy to educate us..
where love is..
but theres consideration to that lahz of cause..
we young people need to be reminded most of the time right..
i am fond of them..
i really do..

and someone is really happy today..
the happiness-cum-craziness had actuali infected me..haha
just when im ill..
you just lightened up my day
you thanked me..but i should be one to thank you instead..
i appreciate it..

2006-05-22T22:48:00.000+08:00

i learnt something..morally that is..

i always thought wise sayings are just there to give people courage.
which has always been the case..
but some are there for a reason or lesson to us..
cause something happen in the morning of today..
i'm afraid things are gonna be a mess in the next few days..
maby..definately..

you have to sacrifice some things to desire for another..
as of tonight..its just started depressing..

2006-05-20T14:37:00.000+08:00

sex..

it was the very first conversation i overheard when i got to work the other day.
kinda weird..but those "40year-old" technicians have probably been deprived of it..
haha..i shall keep my comments to myself.

its the very common illustration between excitement and adrenaline rush..
pardon me..but for most "young" people..i think its "curiosity"..dont get too involved yet..hehe
dirty.dirty.
subjective as it may seem..i have a good feeling its not as sinistic as it may sound..
love may or may not be in the right reason or so..
but whose to blame when its a two way traffic pleasured by both..
no wonder pre-marital sex is on the rise..
lack of moral or not..im not sure..un conserved maby..
its like..most of the wise folks might say.. you need not have sex to love..
but i say..
you need not love to have sex..
get it?
hahaha..

2006-05-17T19:02:00.000+08:00

ive just realised...all this has come close to about ninety-five..
the thought of it just tickles this heart of mine..haha
yup...only 5 before a decade of gruel post and insubstantial rants bout my low weeded life..
its been years..but i dont regard myself as a blogger..
nope not at all..

i dont spam my blog with tons of vain pictures..
i dont record every single details the things i happen to do..
as a matter of fact..no one realli cares about the way you woke up..or till you close your goddamn eyes..
i dont compose a 1000 essay for a single post..
i dont write grandmother stories..
i dont intend to inform eveyone what ive been up to..its your choice to understand it..
and i dont post for a "10 year old" to read..
of which i found in abundance scattered throughout the blogger world..

i hate people who enact the way i write..seriously..
a despisely imitating copycat is the last thing i want to be breathing down my neck..
those who has no idea of their own..
and those whose choice of words are still at an amature level..
they have nothing but to impersonate ones who they know is IQ-ly superior..
you cant hide..i could see right through in between those lines you wrote..
if you think your tyring too hard..i say just quit it..it doesnt work..
it wont change the fact that you feel humiliated for reality sake.

2006-05-15T21:53:00.000+08:00

have you ever had moments when you wished you could just stopped time..
that instantaneous second where one click of the watch will takes ages to act..

yup..

that moment was today..
just when the eyes feels like closing..

2006-05-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

"procrastination is the thief of time.."
thats how the saying usually goes..
applying it to the so called arrangement of my life??..i guess not...
procrastination is and will be the foolish act redeemed for a very long time in my life..
sometimes i need to do a sanity check once in a while..
and i do get out of sticky situations whether they like it or not..
otherwise..hmm..
im probably happy otherwise..haha
im satisfied with the way things are..

"liberty first..then work..."
that is the philosophy ive been adapting all this years..
preferbly..i'd like to reward myself with some fun stuffs before i get into serious assingment shit..
i consider assignments as burden..thats why its so hard to tackle this habit..
i have a report due today..technically..
but considering the fact that my eyes are already halfway through slumberness..
best bet..?? i'll end up snoring the hell out from my nose..haha
lets see what happens..
superheroes dont give up that easily..keke..

my fav song at the momment..
i like her..
she's pretty..
hehe

2006-05-12T12:21:00.000+08:00

haven't i told you before that somehow i find myself indulging in emo songs now..
i would rather slump into my couch..strumming the guitar to a soothing tune..
after a long day at work..its pretty sensual if you ask me..
and nope..im not singing along just because im "emo-ing"..
im singing it loud just to ease the mind off..
sometimes..i even play it on a loop on my mp3 and went off to sleep..
hehe..

and apparently few of them got stucked in my head..
one of which is currently playing at the background..
like i said..dont get me wrong..
im not that type of person that'll go drown in my emotions whenever i listen to one of those..
the lyrics dont aggravate me..
just the calm melody that never fails to "resonate" this empty house.
yup..i like..

and chris's exit is just cruel bias-ness..
americans probably vote not because of talent..but popularity sake..

2006-05-11T01:05:00.000+08:00

i have always known that i had the slightest bit of impulsiveness towards certain groups of people..
i tend to look down on them when i see myself at a higher advantage..
despise maby..but i like to think im far superior in terms of intellectual wise..
i might not be the smartest of my kind..haha..
but i see these people as nothing more than a fringe of dust they could offer..

i wanna see them drown in their own tattoos..
i wanna see them suffocate in their pest control van..rentokil..keke
i wanna see them get bald the next time they dye their hair blonde..
i wanna see them in cold turkey after every puff of cigarette..
i hope to see them sweeping leafs off the roads of singapore 20 years down the road..
haha

i think the country have plenty enough of "them" around am i right??
i shall not acquire any unpleasant label to them..
although their popularity is overwhelming in the streets and the night disco lights..
and as of now..i may assume that they are busily riding away on their bicycle which kinda suits better to the usual 2 wheel transport for apeks to the early market..
one fine day if god forgiving..i would eccentrically burn those m*****f***ing bicycles down to ashes..

after what they tried to immorally and criminally project my bike..
nope..they deserve alot worse...

2006-05-09T01:09:00.000+08:00

there are times when i think you dont know me at all...
but then...
there are times when i think you know me better than anyone..
i guess you can never be too sure of someone's interior goodwill to the people around them..
its more appropriate not to judge..then having to question their intentions
i would preferbly go with the former..
since ive been surrounded by people that practices open conversation,
im afraid of losing that trust..

as of lately ive been reminded over and over again that im a source of laughter..
one that brings the fun out of people..
quoted by friends
seriously..i don't intend to anyway or anyhow..
maby i misunderstood them..maby i am a source that needs to be laughed at..
haha..apparently im happy enough for happy people around me..
i think i need a scrap off my boyish acts..
i need to get serious for once..you know..wake up my bloody idea..
for reality sake...im turing a BIG 2.0. in two months time..
haiz...

2006-05-07T00:57:00.000+08:00

so PAP won majority of the seats...what fuck..a clear cliche in every election isint it..
i wouldnt have to turn on the news to nail this in my head..
its not like ive learn something new everyday..hah
i bet the only word that has ever come out (too often) from their mouth is...
"upgrading"???
bleaAa...**
tell me..isint there any more they could ever possibly do..
like "free parking for bikes" "organise gigs" "more jamming rooms" "having more lepakzZz corner"
haha...
i really dont see myself stuck in a job which has anything to do with politics...

and ive been sick..really really sick today..
my nose going runny..my head spins..my temperatures off charts..
6 tablets of panadol didnt do any goody..
i blame my mum for this..she knew im sensitive to dust..still she persist..
its ok..both my folks has yet to comprimise with their GPM assets on me..
money money money...ke-ching!!

and happy birthday to you..!!
18 and encounting..lifts up a great barrier for you isinit..??
freedom waiting..clubbing shall not wait up too..haha
dont waste it..dont get too cocky either..
take care...

2006-05-04T23:19:00.000+08:00

"insanely insecure"
thats my special word just for today
almost every single day is as significant as another..so its fair to say today was a wee-bit different..
as though im suffering from an impartial twist of emotion..
one minute i was happy...
the next..im mad..
in time..frustrations overwhelming the thought that seeks to find peace in my mind..
while all these emotions goes on a roller coaster ride..
the story goes on and on...twitching every single point..
end the end of the day..i fell victim to a guilty consciousness to myself and to the people around me..

oh what a day today..
can i just have a message on my back? someone please??
the strain on my back is killing me...
i'll pay dont worry...
haha

2006-05-04T00:50:00.000+08:00

its frustrating when i cant get a certain piece of clothing..
ive spent few hours searching..hoping that a shop out there from the dozens, might show mercy on me..
but nooooo....none of them even sell those kinds..
shit piece of shit..
i end up making a new pair of specs..
those nerdy ones that makes ur face look slumber but intelligent at the same time..hehe

speaking of clothes..i didnt even realize u had a BBAD* shirt in the first place oh dear bitch*..
and im clueless to what im suppose to fill in those blanks..
my first thoughts? "ha-ha-ha"??
hehe..
care to give me a hint?

2006-05-01T02:43:00.000+08:00

i have a fetish for listening to sappy love songs lately..
no idea why...but it seems to soothes the mind when im in deep thoughts contemplating in my own free will dream land..
questions like "what if" and "what will" came to the picture...
its seems almost as if im still not satisfied with everything i had now..haha..
but im not changing anything nope not at all..
what goes on in the mind is not always what im desiring to be..
its just a second reality dream from a prelude ride to conclusion of a story...my life story
as we all know...life is full of choices...
and this is idea of a story of "what ifs" and "what will" if i happen to make choices blessed by my blissful ignorance instead of my heart..hmmm..
im gonna leave with a small piece of lyrical chorus from a song im working on currently..
its a compose creation of a friend..
im not sure if thats her life story in between those lines..
no questions asked..im just helping her out..
i hope she'll find what she's looking for..yup
here it goes..
...
Tiba tiba ku rasa cinta
Bila dia meminta maaf ku untuknya
Namun bila ku melihatnya
Pelik aneh ku rasa yang tak pernah ku rasai

Namun dia berpunya, pada insan berpura
Tidak pernah ku suka cara cara nya
Ingin ku mengatakan apa yang ku rasakan,
keberatan

Ya tuhan ku gerakkan hati nya
Untuk mencintai aku hanya aku saja
Meskinya pun dia kan menolak
Namun sungguh aku takkan dapat melupakan dia

2006-04-30T14:21:00.000+08:00

i happen to be browsing thru my earliest blog entries..
the ones that started of this revelation of im-not-okay...
back then..i realised i was more of an absurd person..
one who scrutinised every single soul at the most trivial of matters..
in fact..i seem happy doing so..
its like venting my anger to another unknowingly but in actual contrary im responsible for all my own wrong doings.
i have much to apologise about.
much to apprehend the sorryness to whom i've hurt.
it never really bore down to my mind about forgiving and forget.
even as i do happen to forgive someone..i'll be lying if i said i really was sincere.
and now..whats past is past..dwelling on it will just be as bad as reviving my unapprecitive history..
im older now..i had enough of grudges..
i need an apology...
not from someone...but to someone..
hope you'll hearing this..

2006-04-29T10:06:00.000+08:00

i came across this website as i was browing thru..
it said..what if we were to put 10 of the worse case cultured senario people..
etc..the mat ribs, the abeng kiaz, the goths, the gang leaders
and all the shitty people we noe out there.
elect one leader from each of these group and put them together to talk about politics..
opposing against a legendary grandad of goverments..MM lee kuan yew..
outcome: a brain-bullied affair followed by a permanent psycological damage not to the old man.
but to those shitty people..hah
and who knows..
ambulance will be waiting outside ready to admit them to IMH..keke
truth is..politics just made me sick lahz..
and i really am puzzled to why i happen to know that old man' age...
he's 83 for god sake..!! respect respect..
even i couldnt have "lived" at that age..
i mean...i'll might be shitting in my own underwear..hah

2006-04-27T10:24:00.000+08:00

i woke up today finding my sister sleeping on the couch next to me..

not together mind you...

i wanted to wake her up..

but she look rather tired..and so i left her at her own solemness

anyway surprized as it seem..i couldn't care any less..

mabi its because it rained heavily yesterday night..

and mabi she was likely afraid..hmMmm *deep thoughts*..oh well wish-woosh..

this is not the first time anyway..

~~~~~

and for the better sake...

im starting to think that i might have a serious financial crisis at hand..

mother father will still be my saviour..=P keke

but first i need to tell them i fail my exams..boo hoo...

2006-04-26T14:37:00.000+08:00

i hate doing this to the people around me..

yeah.."THIS!!"..

"this", is the thing that i already endured for the past two 2 mths..

"this", which tells me im gonna suffer for the next 16weeks.

"this" is when i put on a fake smile..

"this" is how i held a fake laugh when someone makes a lame joke..

"this" is what i'll pretend to do when the supervisors around..reasearching..

and when they're not around..i'll be in my la la land*..weee %$!*(@%%!

"this" is how i tell people im fine when im actually not..

and finally..

"this" is how i'll poised to be smart when im definately not..fucking showoff!!

if only i could be someone..

you know..a superhero..?? keke

im better off saving the world then stuck here doing office werk..

haiz...

~~~~~

and nowadays i realised there's alot of talented "ferrings" out there..

hahaha..evil me

kay..no comment..=

2006-04-25T08:40:00.000+08:00

as my mum ever told me once...

you will never be good riding a "bicycle" until you stop falling from it..hmm

or mabi...you will never know the consequences until you experience the fall..

guess i was too stubborn..haha..

oh how painful it is now...sobz sobz..

and no it wasnt really a bicycle..!! keke go figure..

~~~~~

awWwWwWw

the vid was touching..really..

thanks alot..

friends are one specials..

~~~~~

two new houses next month!!! weee...

i'll let my family have the condo its okay..i think the HDB is fine with me..

although its still looks like a condo to me..i lurve it...

you know how it feels like to have a home all by yourself..

i bet you dont..haha..

no parents no siblings to disturb you in your lala land...

no screams no nags to haunt you in your dreams..

and best of all..

no ris-trick-see-yawns..

just me myself and i under the clear blue sky coloured ceiling..hehe

east side area..

im in new territory..

shitz..

i'll continue later..

2006-04-20T13:24:00.000+08:00

one forgotten blog..

one forgotten entry..

but an unforgotten memory...

...

of all the good things ive done in my life...
of all the joy brought to the ones around me...
sometimes i guess i may have done the right things..
in some occasions, i may even make blind assumptions..
taking the privilage to an extended distance..
not knowing..unconscientiously mistaken...
for the ones i have held so dearly on to...
will eventually be the ones that greatly is deceiving...
yes i am sick...
yes im not in a healthy state..
but i have every intentions to make it right again...
i tried many ways to reach out deep inside..
and everytime i do...
its that cold anaesthasia tt keeps hauting me back...
its that condemnation against all i stood for...

i dont understand why an incident should be judge so unfairly,

compared to the sacrifices that has long been taken to no considerations.
despite all...
the optimism hope for a good cause has kept me sane...
and for once..for the first time..
i felt insecure...& the need for assurance...
if my greatest fears should ever come to reality...
thats the point in time where catastrophic sets in..

and possibly the scar uncurable for life.

2006-04-18T12:54:00.000+08:00

a man wants to be a woman's first love..

but woman wants a man to be her last..

hmmm...

like that ever happens..

mabi in fairytales..

yesh!!! 2A!!

voom!! voom!! voom!!!

bigger bikes means bigger butt..

hah.

here i come!!

2006-04-17T00:10:00.000+08:00

i've been MIA from your sight..

tts a probable cliche..

but im deprived from the sound of ur sweetnessly voice..

or from the tunes of ur un-intellectual msg from my phone..

one that makes no meaning but loads or lurve sent in between those lines..

ive been missing that..i do..

im guessing you do too..

and arguably im all to blame..

im sorry...

2006-04-09T13:18:00.000+08:00

its annoying how these people brag about their miserable lives on the net.

its seems that every single day is not worth living.

does bad blessings always rain like that..??

and the next person to blame on..?

yup..you guess it rite..

themselves..their own freaking fault

haiz..wat ever gonna make them happy...

and there's the other senario..

it will just go on and on about his daily life.

laugh to itself at the most lamest of stuffs.

and when your bored to death..

the next "funny" thing to do is take an IQ test..

hah!!

thats sarcastically funny if u ask me..

my apologies to you-know-who..

2006-04-02T12:01:00.000+08:00

mabi we are..PERFECT for each other...

yupz..hehe..

2006-04-01T22:13:00.000+08:00

weeeee..%*!%#*!&^@(^#

it feels as if im rolling down the snowcape mountain

all exposed and naked..

hehe..

freezing as it seems..

but still feels alright from the warmth of your lurveey....

happy 1st anniv. my dearie...!!

beams*beams*

ching*ching*

you twinkle in my darkest moonlight

i dun mind..

will you fly away with me tonight..??

2006-03-30T22:07:00.000+08:00

there's probably a small line that defines u and me..

each momment in time..

every second that goes by..

that line grows thinner and slimmer..

someday it'll disappear and grow into a big circle around the two of us..hehe

when that happens i know nothing will ever gonna change the way i feel about you..

until that day my dearie..

i'll wait patienly..

but now its only a day away..

its almost time..

yes it is..

that one point in life that i never had expected to come..

but it did...thankfully..

still..i noe and you noe its gonna be special.

very special..

its like a fairytale waiting for the perfect ending..hehe

our ending..

and our start of new beginnings..

i cant wait dear..i really cant..

i just lurve you so much..

2006-03-26T22:07:00.000+08:00

sometimes when u finally found what you looking for..

and out of the blue..

something else came up...

and it just make the whole thingy complicated again..

makes u reconsider..

if what u've done all this while is..

worthwhile??

hmm..

you know and i know that its not the best for both..

i hope you'll say no..

i really do...

and all this just reminds me of Superman..

hehe...

2006-03-21T13:28:00.000+08:00

i think my dearie is angry..

what am i suppose to do...?

say whatever??

hmmmm.....

bad idea..

wait...

i noe..

ice cream!!!

hehe..

2006-03-21T09:15:00.000+08:00

its been a million words it seems..

i didnt stop until i found something else to read.

polymerizations.

butadiene.

methyl methacrylate.

sodium-iron-ethylene-diamine-tetra-acetic-acid.

whatever shit that means.

and "superman comics" ? hehe

i never realli like the chemical working world.

but they pay me just to sit down and read.

im stuck here no doubt.

one week down.

23 more weeks to go..

i like chemicals...but i hate working.

still i wonder if the great confucius words are true?

"Choose a job that you like and you will never have to work a day in your life"

ya rite..

whatever!

2006-03-16T00:33:00.000+08:00

i became a delivery guy..

the one that sends foooood to you..yupz

KFC!! hah.

only for a single momment earlier..

but if i were to be one..

i'll send more than just foooood..

i'll sent lurve....loads of it..!! haha

mabi just for a smally tiny price...

woooo...

imagine that..

"when ur day doesn't go the way you planned.."

"when frens you cared turn their backs on you.."

"when all you wanna do is just break down and cry.."

"just dial my hotline.."

"i'll deliver you the lurve to carry on.."

"i'll give you the leap of faith that you deserved.."

"and a kiss Muackz** if you ordered an Extra-Value-Lurve"

imagine that..

hehe..

2006-03-13T00:16:00.000+08:00

pretty much done with the layout..

but a thousand books will still be useless without its readers rite..

i'll probably do the "commercialism" thingy later..

cus the bed is calling out loud..

cant afford to stay awake till wee hours.

24 weeks of gruel workshit has just started..

me keep my chin up..

me stay humble..

and me survive through..

and if u must asked..

me choose my dearie over my bike..

thats for sure..

2006-03-11T20:30:00.000+08:00

from what i've expected..

guys don't keep stuffs to themselves..

we represent a homo sepians that is vulnerable to letting out bullcraps to which we call "secrets"

im probably speaking for most of the XY chromo out there.

apparantly, we too, can be a bad liar..

especially to the loved ones..

hmmm..

maby i im speaking for myself for that..hah

dont worry my dearie..i have no secrets from you..

afterall a trivial of guys out there may think otherwise..

cus a fren happen to have the opposite traits

maby its just character that boys are such a "jerks" or "idiots"..

haha..probably a common language in girls talk

i shall go no futher on that..

i think that is what defines girls and guys..

for example..when angry..

girls will tend to cry or spill tantrums all over..

making everyones their fault..

guys will probably do the same..

except it wont last for very long..

they'll get over..and soon enuf..

its history..

a guy can get over a girl faster than a girl could..

nevertheless who am i to say rite..

i cant comment on nature's way of life..

there's a whole lot more to say..

but i think its best if i'll just leave it hanging..

2006-03-09T22:55:00.000+08:00

after a long hiatus..

and thanks to my lovey dovey missmesz..

im pretty much an official blogger..

everything else is said..

so shall i begin??

2006-01-18T00:59:00.000+08:00

my innocence is tested...

and...

it turns out bad..

haha...

oh im sorry...so very sorry...

but i cant be all to blame rite?

u had ur fair share...

but one things for sure...

this is a one way ticket...

no returning...

and im gonna take care of you dearie...

ur mine...i promise...

2006-01-12T13:43:00.000+08:00

"like sand through the hour glass

these are the days of our lives..."

remind me how i hate that show..

the never ending show that never cease...

and remind me to kill the director too..

that includes the actors as well..

whuahaha...

these few days have brought me weary...

just a little too much to get me ill...

how i wish for a better sunrise...

it would be enlighting if i could trade the rain droplets for crystals of snow...

haha...

god spare me my craps...

i think the mocha got me high..

oh well...

2006-01-08T20:30:00.000+08:00

am in a need for speed...

most wanted...

and craving for a new computer...

thats all..

click click..!!

2005-12-30T21:57:00.000+08:00

forget what i said before...

i just love you...

my dearie..

2005-12-28T14:17:00.000+08:00

disappointed.

thats the feeling as soon as i got off from my bed.

or is it devastated??

maby disheartened??

either way...none of which can make my day.

i dont know whose to blame..

i may be a really bad jerk..

but i fucking know where my faith and loyalties lie...

thats in you...

its been awhile...

but having another companion never once crossed my mind..

now i really began to question myself..

who am i to you??

2005-12-23T03:07:00.000+08:00

and sometimes..

i just hate followers!!!

you noe who you are..

cuz you people are starting to sound like me...

i noe its a free speech world..

but its just soooo blooody obnoxious!!!

maby you people are just confined in the head.

try something new next time can..

mORonS...

and ya..

i need a new layout..

any kind souls out there to lend an idea...

2005-12-23T02:13:00.000+08:00

sometimes these minds plays tricks on you..

sometimes those smiles and smirks can meszmerise you..

just once is enough to encharmed the paradise in my head..

hah.

but still i dont understand the need for those sturny eyes that once freaked the sh** out of me.

still again..

i think i can forgive and forgwet...

looking at how people are talking..

but its cristal clear aint it..

aaa..

who cares...

2005-12-14T11:45:00.000+08:00

an awkward time it is...

probably a little childish to abandon what i held on so dearly...

something delicate which i think im taking for granted..

and probably...

i'll get a bullshit and fuck you right at my face..

at the end of the day...

this ailing heart keeps crying you back..

and like i said..

your my ecstasy

hah.

no matter how tainted it can be..

its still addictive..

and before anything happens..

i would like to apologise for days yet to come..

cuz i wont be there for you for another week...

im going away from here...

i hope you'll forgive me..

but rest assured that its not goodbye..

not ever i wont...

so please...

i need you to bear with me..

i promise we'll row that boat together k..

and our life may not be a dream..

its a fantasy...

we'll make that happen...

i love you still...

i do...

2005-12-08T20:34:00.000+08:00

have you ever had that feeling that someone..

somewhere out there..

somehow in some ways..

have that inner feelings for you..??

and when we try to deny as hard as we could..

it keeps bugging us in the most oddest of times..

some see as a blessing..

others sees as an "opportunity"...

a dirty one that is...hah.

nonetheless...

right this momment i feel like im caught in between bad chemistry.

one hand i already have an angel who i dearly love...

on the other..

i cant erase the pitiness towards thy.

honesty is and has always been my first priority.

its only right that i relent my true climate of opinions

towards both..

like all problems and dilemma...

only time can heal the cold dispute..

for being that sane being...

i'll reward myself with something...

something special...

hah...

2005-12-03T14:08:00.000+08:00

5 months passed..

closed to ages it seems...

sometimes the need for a new beginning is inevitable

maby..

the peak of my stance is starting to caught up...

interest and passion that i once self-proclaimed

already deviates away largely as expected...

and maby..

i have the "thing" for other stuffs like bikes and other

purposes rather than this.

just maby...

im a little old for blogging.

this entry is written purly out of boredom and ignorant woos.

nevertheless..

its not at all wroong to finish off where i left.

so here it is again...

shall i begin?

2005-07-14T16:15:00.000+08:00

of all the good things ive done in my life...
of all the joy brought to the ones around me...
sometimes i guess i may have done the right things..
in some occasions, i may even make blind assumptions..
taking the privilage to an extended distance..
not knowing..unconscientiously mistaken...
for the ones i have held so dearly on to...
will eventually be the ones that greatly is deceiving...
yes i am sick...
yes im not in a healthy state..
but i have every intentions to make it right again...
i tried many ways to reach out deep inside..
and everytime i do...
its that cold anaesthasia tt keeps hauting me back...
its that condemnation against all i stood for...

i dont understand why a single incident should be judge so unfairly,

compared to the sacrifices that has long been taken to no considerations.
despite all...
the optimism hope for a good cause has kept me sane...
and for once..for the first time..
i felt insecure...

& the need for assurance...
if my greatest fears should ever come to reality...
thats the point in time where catastrophic sets in..

and possibly the scar incurable for life.

im not okay...

2005-07-07T14:37:00.000+08:00

every year..there's probably a special day in our lives..

a day to spent timeless momments..

or a day to get sabo-ed and laugh it all out..

nonetheless..just a day to be remembered...

and mine...

is today!!

hah!

and that day was probably the celebrating day wif frenz.

yupz..now i know how it feels like to have ur whole body mushed up with cakes.

and going home feeling like an idiot with the choc cake stains all over..

haiz...hehe

the pizzaSsS were perfect...

the oh-so-expensive-bill-i-had-to-pay-by-myself was perfect..

hah.

the cake was perfect.

the present was perfect.

the ppl who came were perfect.

my dearie was perfectly gorgeous.

and everything else is perfect in its own way.

just wanna say thanks to eveyone who made it happen.

but one thing ive learn...

that u dont ever wear a purple underwear..

just dont!! trust me...

haha

its just a special momment...

2005-07-03T17:02:00.000+08:00

its as speechless as i was, as soon i read those werds you wrote.

its that genuine smile on the face when those thoughts came to my mind.

and how so crystally clear its becoming that it has always been you.

its you who made this dream.

this fantasy.

but sometimes i wonder if ive/you're exposed too much.

the things tt should be kept disclosed.

like some cookies which are better left untouched in the jar.

hehe.

and when the time comes when all is being indulged...im afraid tt there will be nothing else to look foward to.

nothing more to crave for.

and the real reason behind it is far away from reality.

amidst all these..

im still extremely eccentric we're still there.

still over the moon. hah.

and not a single disagreement till now.

in time..one wont surely make no diff rite? rite..

yupz..

happy.anxious.

still waiting for the results.

i cant wait to see my face in the papers..

haha.

just hope and pray shall i...

2005-06-21T15:20:00.000+08:00

have had a wonderful time wif my dearie today

its something i wouldnt trade for anything

not even money

and the rings we bought for each other..

its priceless isinit?

i hope its the beginning for splendid things to come.

hah.

you gave me so much assurance until now

but with so much guys there who wants to be ur "frens"...

no one can actualli fortell the time ahead rite

but you just don want a conversation about it ya..

you just wanna cry infront of me..

hah.

so touched..

and im totally with you on that...

we'll prove not just him...

but everybody wrong...

love you..